Advice to Sigala Part 3: Enemies and Friends

This is the third installment (see Part 2) in a series of posts on DN 31: Sigalovada Sutta, The Buddha's Advice to Sigala the householder. Previously covered were the six ways of squandering wealth.

Next the Buddha talks about the four enemies disguised as friends and the four good-hearted friends. No doubt some of these descriptions will remind you of people you've met or people you currently know.

15. "Young man, be aware of these four enemies disguised as friends: the taker, the talker, the flatterer, and the reckless companion.

16. "The taker can be identified by four things: by only taking, asking for a lot while giving little, performing duty out of fear, and offering service in order to gain something.

17. "The talker can be identified by four things: by reminding of past generosity, promising future generosity, mouthing empty words of kindness, and protesting personal misfortune when called on to help.

18. "The flatterer can be identified by four things: by supporting both bad and good behavior indiscriminately, praising you to your face, and putting you down behind your back.

19. "The reckless companion can be identified by four things: by accompanying you in drinking, roaming around at night, partying, and gambling."

That is what the Buddha said.

I'm not sure how much really needs to be said here. Everything is pretty self-explanatory. I guess things haven't changed much in 2,500 years as these kinds of people are still around!

The followup verse makes a good short summary:

20. Summing up in verse, the sublime teacher said:

"The friend who is all take,
The friend of empty words,
The friend full of flattery,
And the reckless friend;

These four are not friends, but enemies;
The wise understand this
And keep them at a distance
As they would a dangerous path."

So that's the negative side of things, and here's the positive side:

21. "Young man, be aware of these four good-hearted friends: the helper, the friend who endures in good times and bad, the mentor, and the compassionate friend.

22. "The helper can be identified by four things: by protecting you when you are vulnerable, and likewise your wealth, being a refuge when you are afraid, and in various tasks providing double what is requested.

23. "The enduring friend can be identified by four things: by telling you secrets, guarding your own secrets closely, not abandoning you in misfortune, and even dying for you.

24. "The mentor can be identified by four things: by restraining you from wrongdoing, guiding you towards good actions, telling you what you ought to know, and showing you the path to heaven.

25. "The compassionate friend can be identified by four things: by not rejoicing in your misfortune, delighting in your good fortune, preventing others from speaking ill of you, and encouraging others who praise your good qualities."

That is what the Buddha said.

The meaning seems pretty obvious here as well. These are obviously people to be valued. Hopefully some of these people are still around after 2,500 years though honestly it doesn't seem like it a lot of the time.

The followup verses are:

26. Summing up in verse, the sublime teacher said:

"The friend who is a helper,
The friend through thick and thin,
The friend who gives good counsel,
And the compassionate friend;

These four are friends indeed,
The wise understand this
And attend on them carefully,
Like a mother her own child.

Clearly these people are not simply to be valued but to be treated the way a mother would treat her own child. People can't really get any more valuable than that.

This is not the end of this section of verse, however. This section actually continues on:

The wise endowed with virtue
Shine forth like a burning fire,
Gathering wealth as bees do honey
And heaping it up like an ant hill.
Once wealth is accumulated,
Family and household life may follow.

Here we find something that will confuse most modern western Buddhists. Why is the Buddha encouraging this householder to accumulate wealth? Isn't that greedy? Aren't laypeople supposed to strive for poverty because craving is caused by wealth?

The answer is right there: "Once wealth is accumulated, Family and household life may follow." Wealth is needed for people to take care of their responsibilities. People who can take care of themselves, instead of expecting other people or the government to take care of their needs for them, are the ones capable of being true friends. The ones who dont't take care of themselves, due to lazynness and irresponsibility, tend to be the friends disguised as enemies talked about at the beginning of the sutta.

To address the issue of craving, one should look at the sequence of dependent co-arising. According to SN 12.2 (for example): "From feeling as a requisite condition comes craving." So sorry, but wealth isn't in there. Wealth does not cause craving. "Attending improperly" to contact with senses brought on by wealth, which leads to feeling, causes craving, but the wealth by itself does not.

The Buddha does say in other places that excessively wealthy people who are also virtuous are rare, which is why generosity is important. Someone with a talent for producing wealth is extremely valuable if they are also very generous, as Anathapindika was. Sadly I don't know of many western Anathapindikas these days.

To further back my assertion that taking care of your affairs is critical for being a good friend and finding good friends, here is the final verse in this section:

By dividing wealth into four parts,
True friendships are bound;
One part should be enjoyed;
Two parts invested in business;
And the fourth set aside
Against future misfortunes."

This is clearly saying that if you are responsible and taking care of yourself, rather than some excessively needy and constantly irresponsible person, then you're going to be able to be a good friend to others and you're likely to attract good friends as well. Irresponsible people don't save any money for hard times and don't pay their bills or work to invest in their livelihood whether that be a business or career, and these people are more likely to be poor friends.

Really, if you are the least bit successful and devoted to non-greed then you shouldn't have much trouble saving a significant amount of your earnings for hard times rather than expecting others or the government to bail you out when you run into trouble. If you're not the least bit successful then you should try to get successful.

It's also important to note that the "One part should be enjoyed" doesn't actually mean "all enjoyed by you alone" but also shared with your friends, employees, and "ascetics and Brahmans." This is stated in Narada Thera's translation in the note "This portion includes what is spent on good works: gifts to monks, charity, etc." So good friends not only take care of themselves, but share their good fortune with their friends, employees, and those deserving of charity regardless of whether they're Buddhist or not.

Another note about giving: Pretty much everywhere I have ever read the Buddha talk about giving, he never says "only give to me or my monks," he always talks about giving to "ascetics and Brahmans." If we think of monks as ascetics, and "Brahmans" as the more typical god-and-heaven-oriented religions, this means that there is no problem giving money to Christian organizations (for example). There's no requirement that you do so, but if you think a Christian organization is deserving then there's absolutely nothing wrong with donating to them and you are not discouraged from doing so in the least.

Next in the sutta the Buddha finally gets to the symbolism of what Sigala was doing when he first encountered the Buddha, worshiping the six directions. This will be the subject of the next post.